Mourning The Past

Image by BrianWestChest via Flickr

Julie's post a few days ago about her children growing up (and away) got me thinking about my own attachment to the past.  I wanted to email Julie with some words of wisdom.  But, I had none for her.  I kind of know what she's feeling (even though I'm not there yet).  Kayla and Shayna are growing up so fast, way too fast.  I often miss the days when I had to help them get dressed, feed them, cut up their food, etc.   Quickly passing are the days when they would pile into bed with us every morning.  First Kayla stopped, then Shayna.  Shayna often by-passes our bed to go into Kayla's room and they lay their reading, talking or listening to their iPods.  I was talking to a friend about heaven a couple of weeks ago and we were discussing whether we'd really see our loved ones there again.  The thought of not seeing the girls into eternity is so depressing to me.  But, he has grown children and reminded me that even now, each day, a little passing is taking place.  I already miss the children I had a few short years ago.  Those days are gone never to return.  So, even in the here-and-now, I don't have the children I once had.

I sometimes miss my youth.  I miss my hair.  I miss the time I used to have to work out and keep my body in decent shape.  I miss the old me.  The me today is not the me of yesterday and the me of tomorrow won't be the me of today.  One thing studying Buddhism does is make me face this fact.  All is impermanence.   Nothing lasts forever.   Each moment is unique, dependent on the last and fleeting.  When I first started studying this concept, I found it quite depressing, until I considered the alternative.  Clinging to impermanent things causes suffering.  Learning to let go allows us to be happy in the only moment we really have- NOW.   There is no past, it's only memories.  There is no future, it's only thoughts of what might be.  There is only an eternal now. What I have found is that if I can embrace the reality of impermanence it's really not depressing.  Quite the opposite.  Each moment becomes even more precious because of its uniqueness.  Each moment is to be experienced to the full, cherished and savored.

Many years ago a line from Carly Simon's "Anticipation" really jumped out at me.  It's been one of my mantras ever since (I have many).  That line is "These are the good old days."  What that line says to me is that we are so quick to romanticize the past. "Oh, how great things were when...." One day I'll look back on this old guy of 46 and think of how great things were back in the youthful days of my mid-40s. So, what I try to do is to be nostalgic about these days while I'm in these days.  That's the secret.

Just as quickly as it's easy to think about how great the past was, it's easy to escape to the future, to think how great things will be when...  When I make that first million, when I don't have to work so hard, when I'm not so busy, when I can move to somewhere warm.  That trap is just as enticing as the one that draws me back to the past.

Today, Kayla is just about off of the growth chart we bought for her.  That's today's picture of the day, Kayla standing next to the little Winnie the Pooh chart as she quickly blossoms into a young woman.  As I write this, the girls are off in Kayla's room working on an art project they designed themselves.  One day, much too soon, they'll be somewhere else and Tywana and I will be here alone.  But, I'll get to enjoy seeing them go off and live their own lives, have their own children and I'll be able to get that two-seater I've been wanting ever since I traded in my MR2 so many years ago. And maybe I'll be able to move to a little condo on a golf course and spend time alone with Tywana again.  But for now, it's time to go grab them and enjoy the evening.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go? (Update)

Image by BrianWestChest via Flickr

The on-going saga of "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" continues.  Some of my friends have asked for an update.  So, I'll post it here.

I have been attending both the Vineyard and  Nexus (United Church of Christ- God Is Still Speaking) for the last couple of months.  I would attend the 8:30 service at the Vineyard (that's 8:30 AM), drop off the wife and kids and boogie on over to Nexus for their 10:30 service (which is like the middle of the afternoon for me).  The more I heard about Nexus, the more I was attracted to it.  I also joined a small group with some people from Nexus and found the conversation there to be about 1,000 times more stimulating than any conversation I had had in a small group prior to that.

Nexus' stated mission is to be "open and inclusive".  Over the last several weeks, the pastor has been exploring what that means with a series of "Revolutionary _______ (fill in the blank)" talks.   The talks are based on the Phoenix Affirmations, which I plan to read and review (as soon as I can find the time).  Personally, I'm not that thrilled with even the greatest sermon (anymore).  Keep 'em short and sweet for me.  But, I like that Nexus has taken the time to really identify who they are and what they believe so clearly.  Gregg has been very bold in saying things from the pulpit that would make some people run screaming from the building plugging their ears and screaming "Heresy!" (Go Gregg!).  And, I really, really (really) love the fact that there is time left at the end of the sermon for the congregation to "talk back".  The small group has been discussing (loosely- we get WAY off topic) "The Secret Message of Jesus" (which I will also review one day).  So far, everything I have heard from the Phoenix Affirmations has resonated with me.   Everything I've read in the Phoenix Affirmations has just seemed to obvious to me that that is the way Christians should be (is it intolerant of me to say that?).  If I knew Christians could think this way I wouldn't have had my crisis where I thought I was going to have to give up Christianity.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to share my views of salvation with the "whole church" (see my previous post from today if you want to see details on that).  "Whole church" is just a handful of people.  But, it was so nice to be out of the closet, in church.  Me, a heretic, invited to speak about salvation?  What is really weird, is my remarks didn't even raise an eyebrow.  And, Gregg talked about the idea of universal salvation and encouraged people to explore it for themselves.  What, am I dreaming here?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Ty has been attending the small group with me.  I didn't ask her to.  But, I think she was scared I was being drawn into some sort of cult and wanted to keep an eye on me.   She drilled Gregg pretty good on what the UCC is all about one week at group.  Ironically, she has "joined" the worship band and has sung with them twice.  Yesterday I asked her what she thinks about what she's heard from the Phoenix Affirmations.  No big shocks to her.  Nothing she disagrees with.  So, I guess we're good with the Nexus "doctrine". 

The bottom line is we haven't made a life-long commitment to Nexus.  I told Ty I would not be attending the Vineyard during the month of February (which is another week).   After that, we'll see...

What Is Salvation (in 250 words or less)?

This weekend at Nexus, the topic was "Revolutionary Salvation". Gregg asked some of to share what salvation means to us (in 250 words) or less.  This was a cool assignment for me because in 250 words, I knew I couldn't bring in all the misconceptions I (and others) have/had about salvation.  In just 250 words, I'd really have to focus on what it means to me today and stick just to the main point.  If you want to see what I wrote, here it is.

During my more than 30 years of being a Christian my definition of salvation has evolved tremendously.  It has moved from a legal transaction, a “get out of hell card”, to a personal daily relationship with the Living G-d.  Salvation is not about a transaction but about a realization of something that has already been accomplished, something that is already true.  The way I would define salvation today would be freedom from condemnation- real or perceived.  Salvation is the realization that G-d is not holding my sins against me.  G-d is for me, not against me.  G-d is on my side.  G-d is cheering for me, encouraging me- not sitting with His arms folded across His chest waiting for me to screw up so that He can pounce on me with punishment.  G-d is my advocate, my defense attorney, not my prosecutor.

Once I realize that G-d is for me, has truly forgiven me all of my sins (not just the little ones), the realization of salvation allows me to live my life in freedom and to live it to the full.  Realizing that G-d doesn’t condemn me gives me the ability to grasp that no one has the right to condemn me, not even me.   The realization that G-d’s mercies are new every morning (every hour, every minute) gives me the freedom to forgive myself and to live my life the way G-d intended it to be lived.  I can now live fully appreciating all He has given me, including His wondrous, unending, unlimited and unconditional love for me.

That's it, in a nutshell.  What do you think?

There Is Only One Way

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I haven't written much lately.  There are a couple of reasons.  One, I've been way too busy with the business.  It's difficult to know when to put that down and attend to other things.  But, the main reason is I am going through a kind of dry spell when it comes to writing.  I don't know what to say and just to write for the sake of typing characters into the blog doesn't make a lot of sense.  The last couple of weeks I've spent just observing life, absorbing some teachings, trying to assimilate them and to assemble to them into something coherent.  Even today, it's a Saturday and I really didn't have any other commitments- so I started off the day thinking it's a good day to write. Yet, I've managed to piddle around and kill time until almost 2:30pm when I'm finally starting my post.  But, I think I have a couple of things to say, so I'll say them while I'm still in the mood.  Hopefully, I can put these thoughts together in a way that will make some sense.

I quit one of my email groups a couple of weeks ago.  I just got fed up with the bickering going among amongst us universalists.  It really gave me a good look at the ugly side of human nature (my own included).  I don't know if or when I'll rejoin the group.  But, the break has been nice.  As I said, I've been doing a lot of reading and listening over the last couple of weeks.  Not so much deep theological stuff.  But, more about basic humanity. What makes us tick?  Why can't we get along (on an individual or nationalistic level)?  Why are there so many competing religions if people are basically the same?  I've been studying Buddhism pretty heavily over the last couple of years.  By some definitions, I am a Buddhist.  I continue to marvel at how similar the teachings of the Buddha are to what Christ taught (much to the contrary of what my Sunday School teachers told me).  What I keep coming around to is all religions are basically the same, at their core.  I've been trying to develop a mental picture of how religions overlap and how they differ.  The picture that has come to me is a group of overlapping ovals.  Not circles.  But, ovals.  Here's why.

I think at the very core of all religious traditions is a desire to be one with each other and one with G-d (even though philosophies such as Buddhism don't explicitly talk about G-d).  But, while we share that common core, we also have a bunch of other stuff we've tacked on.  That's the part of the ovals that don't overlap.  Some of us have ovals that are so skewed that the end of our oval is to far from the of the other guys' that there are completely irreconcilable differences.   But, I think those are the exceptions.  Let's call those people the Christian Fundies, the Zionist Jews, the Angry Atheists and the Islamofacists.  I think most of us could come together on our core beliefs if we really tried.  But, we seem to spend most of our time and energy focused on the things that make us different.  Even within Christianity, where our tens of thousands of denominations have ovals that have over 90% overlap, we focus on the areas where we differ.  The whole time I was being indoctrinated into Christianity, every time another denomination was brought up, I'd hear something like "Well, they believe X and we believe Y."  We just had to make sure we differentiated ourselves. Rarely (never?) did you hear us talk about what we had in common with the Catholics or the Baptists, let alone the Buddhists or the Atheists.  This reminds me of when Yeshua spoke to the woman at the well and she talked about how the Jews worshiped in Jerusalem but the Samaritans worshiped on the mountaintop. Do you remember His response to her?  (In case you don't, it's in John Chapter 4).  The time is come for us to worship in spirit and in truth and to stop focusing on whether we're on the mountaintop or in the temple.  That's not just between all of our stupid denominations but across all mankind. We need  a spirituality that everybody can get on board with.

I purposely used the word spirituality above, instead of religion.  Religion is what divides us. Religion, which is supposed to bind us to the sacred, instead tears us- one from another.  Recognition of the human spirit in each of us, love for that spirit and respect for each other- in spite of our religious beliefs is what we need to heal our world.  Being raised a Christian, I was taught that every man has equal value because we are all created in G-d's image (in spite of the fact that G-d was going to send most men to Eternal Torment- but I digress).  I still believe that.  But, not everyone does.  And, frankly, most Christians don't act like they do- probably because they believe that their god discards people who don't worship him properly.  But, even an Atheist can acknowledge the human spirit, even while saying he doesn't know what the source of that spirit is.

A friend sent a really good article to me called Agapetheism.  In it, Kevin Beck proposes a new kind of theism- as opposed to monotheism or polytheism.  Instead of focusing on the number of god(s), we agree on the nature of god- that is that G-d is love (agape).  I recently read "Meditation Without Myth", where Daniel A. Helminiak proposes a new kind of spirituality that people of all religions (and the not religious) can agree on.  Neal Donald Walsch in "Tomorrow's God"puts forth the same idea.  I hope I'm not deluding myself.  But, I 'm sensing that people are finally starting to "get it". 

My best friend is Jewish.  He and I used to have religious arguments into the wee hours in the morning.  Which is more important, faith or action?  He'd argue he didn't care what a man's faith was as long as his actions were right.  I'd argue that one couldn't love G-d without believing in G-d and it takes faith to please G-d.  Looking back on it so many years later, we  were both wrong.

The thing I've been trying to figure out is what is at the core of the religions?  What is our hope?  What is the One Way?  The answer is soooooo simple, as my friend Master Mike would say.  The answer is right there in our Bibles.  Jesus told us two millenia ago and we've piled so much crap on top of the message that we've just about completely lost it.  "Love God and love your neighbor as you love yourself."  If you don't believe in G-d, I really don't think that She's all torn up about it.  Just love your neighbor as you love yourself.

People have claimed that Christianity is exclusive because it teaches there is only one way to heaven and all those who don't find it are damned to hell.  Well, if you take that literally, the way it's been taught for so long, it is extremely exclusive (and pretty ridiculous).  But, if you understand what the Kingdom Jesus spoke of really is about (and it was not some pie-in-the-sky place you go when you die), you'll begin to realize that there really is only one way to enter the Kingdom.  But, you don't have to wait until you die to get there, nor do you have to become a Christian.