The Beautiful Heresy- Christian Universalism

I really did not want to write about this incident.  There are no words that can express the senselessness, the tragedy and the unmitigated evil of such an event as we all had to witness just a couple of days ago.  I'm not very good with words of condolence.  Most of them ring empty, trite and unconsoling to me.  While we all wonder what's in the mind of a person who not only wants to commit suicide but he wants to take random strangers with him,  I'm beyond wondering why things like this happen in our world.  I accept that they just do. I mourn when they happen.  I grieve for the families of the victims and for our nation and for Cho Seun-Hi.  As a self described Zen Christian Universalist, I've found myself alternately wishing for a hell for the shooter (temporary but something where he could appreciate the pain he has caused) and praying for peace for his obviously tortured soul.  But, I really wanted to leave this to others to dissect. I've seen this incident written about on every blog I've been on in the last couple of days.  They all expressed their ideas much better than I can.  I was determined not to write about this unless I had something different to say.  So, I guess I think I do have something different to say.

I've been drawn into some discussions on one of my boards and I just have to express my thoughts on this.  I sense in this tragedy a search for answers and for control.  We want to know what went wrong, whom to blame and we want to make sure it doesn't happen again.  Well, I don't think that's possible and I think we all need to learn to accept that.  I've heard staunch NRA supporters screaming "See, that's why we need more guns in citizens' hands.  If the students had been armed, they could have taken the gunmen out and less people would have been killed." To which I reply, that's a big "if".  What we do know is we have pretty lax gun laws now.  And, even if Virginia did have a concealed carry law, how likely is it that a college student would carry a gun to class?  And, do we really want to encourage everyone over the age of 18 to carry a weapon with himself 24x7? We want to encourage more people of this age to carry a weapon that can take a life in an instant and with the twitch of a finger?  I hear people on the other side of the debate saying "See, this is exactly why we need tighter gun controls.  If this guy had not been able to get the guns, he couldn't have killed all those kids."  C'mon, in this country awash in guns, you don't think this bright kid could have gotten his hands on a gun if we just had tighter controls.  He was over 18, no criminal record and was in our country legally (for 15 years).  What type of gun law would have stopped him from getting his hands on a gun? Nothing short of an outright ban on handguns all together or a ban against non-citizens buying guns would have stopped him. And I don't think his citizenship status had anything to do with the shooting. I've heard gun proponents say "It's a good thing he was able to get the guns, otherwise he might have used bombs and more people would have been killed."  No, I'm not kidding.  I actually had someone say that to me.

The reality is this tragedy isn't about gun control at all.  I don't think it's a clear cut case for or against stricter gun control.  We can suppose all we want. But, guess what boys and girls, if a crazed person wants to kill a bunch of people randomly, no law we can pass or precautions we take are going to stop him.  While that doesn't mean we don't take reasonable precautions; it does mean that I'd rather live my life worrying about dangers that have some reasonable potential to happen than to worry about something so statistically improbable.  I am not about to start carrying a gun with me everywhere just in case I hit the mega-million lottery of bad luck and end up in shopping mall with a deranged person.  It just doesn't happen every day.  That's why we are so fascinated by it when it does.   I prefer not to live my life in a siege mentality. And, as bad as some think society is, it's going to have to get a lot worse before I do.

Another blame game people are playing is "Why didn't someone stop him before he struck?"   There were indications that Mr. Cho was imbalanced.  More reports about his bizarre behavior are coming out as I write this.  And, while I myself say that I think we all need to take more responsibility for each other, it's crazy to blame anyone for not being able to foresee that he would go to this level.  Disturbed high school and college students write sick stuff every day.  While this doesn't mean we should ignore that behavior or not seek help for them, most of us (maybe none of us) can really predict which one is going to go off and take it to the next level.  I've had friends that have been severely depressed.  I take very seriously the advice I've been given about what you should do if someone threatens to commit suicide (take them seriously). But, when a dear friend told me that she didn't know if she wanted to live anymore and that she was thinking about how nice it would be to be free of her worries and she wouldn't mind if she had a car accident and didn't survive what could I really do?  I took her threats seriously.  I talked to her.  I asked her to get counseling.  But, that's about as far as you can go with another adult.  While I believe we are our brothers' keepers, I also know that we are limited in how much we can control what another person does.  In this world, we sometimes have to accept the fact that stuff happens.  We can't control everything- particularly the past.

So, I say all of this to say this.  Please let's not use this as fodder to support our particular side of the gun control debate. While we have a serious issue to work out there, I see extremely little relevance to what happened on Monday.  What I do I see in this particular incident is how little hope there is with coming up with an answer to the gun violence problem any time soon.  The very attitude that allows completely opposite sides of the issue to look at this tragedy as the ultimate case to prove each of their points of view shows just how biased people are and how they will use anything to support their preconceived notions.  I also say let's not cast blame.  It was a tragedy, a horrific, unavoidable tragedy.  Let's all mourn, comfort each other and accept it for what it is.  We can't control everything. I am shocked and saddened by this.  And right now I just want to be shocked and saddened.   I will use this to help me remember that this is a wild, crazy, beautiful world we live in and we need to cherish each precious moment and take care of each other.

Something good almost always arises from something evil. I'm becoming more and more convinced of that.  Don Imus' remarks on his program last week have afforded us an excellent opportunity for some much needed dialog.  I was feeling a little remorse about my post calling for his firing when I heard that major sponsors were pulling their ads and that MSNBC had canceled his show.  When I actually saw that I was getting what I asked for, I felt a little guilt.  But, a couple of conversations I've had since then have convinced me that this is a good thing because it presents us with a teaching moment.  I often hear the phrase "If you don't know, you better ask somebody."   So, although you didn't ask, please allow me to share a few things with you concerning this incident.  And, more importantly, the larger lessons that can be taught from it.

My best friend is Jewish.  In many ways, we are very similar.  But, in many ways we could not be more opposite.  He and I are on completely different sides of this Imus debate. He has taken me to task for asking for Imus's firing and for my outrage over the remarks.  His reasoning?  Black people use this
type of language "all the time".  He watches BET (Why? Because he likes seeing how far society has sunk.).  He hears black kids in his neighborhood calling each other "nigger". So, he asks, why the double standard?  We should all be held up to the same standards.  He even told me to review Martin Luther King's speeches about judging a man by the content of his character, not by the color of his skin (as if Dr. King would have defended Don Imus' remarks).  Frankly, I don't give a rip about a double standard here.  Here's why he could hardly be more wrong.

First of all the language that Don Imus used is absolutely not mainstream black community language, as my friend claims.  The fact that rappers use it and some blue comedians use it does not make it mainstream.  The majority of the black community does not use this language on a regular basis.  I don't listen to gansta rap and I personally couldn't find BET on my television.  The fact that BET shows rap videos does not make it mainstream for black people.  Many people don't realize that 70% of hip-hop gansta rap is bought by white suburbanite kids.  Ludacris has a classic moment in the movie "Crash" where his character theorizes that gansta rap was invented by white people to keep black people down.  It was comical. But, it made you stop and think. If you are a white person who thinks that black people call each other "ho", "nigger", "nappy headed", etc. on a regular basis, I suggest you turn off BET and go out and meet some real black people (and make sure you don't use this language while you're doing it).  I'm not denying there is a subculture within our community that uses this language.  But, I would by no means characterize it as mainstream.  It was not used in my family or by most people I know.  Many black people recognize the problem with this language and we are trying to do something about it. There's even a website dedicated to banning the n-word (I don't think you can really ban a word).  This is very delicate territory we're treading on here.  I must confess I have found several of David Chappell's sketches fall off your chair funny.  I've busted a gut laughing at some of his humor that many others would find offensive.  There is a very clever one where there is a white family with the last name "Nigger".  The black community has, within itself, tried to take the sting out of the "n" word by using it ourselves. I can respect that.  But, that's a tactic that is questionable.  By continuing to use the words ourselves, others hear them and think they can use them in a different context and get away with it.  The language we use in a part of our community is not mainstream and it certainly cannot be used by white members of the mainstream media without repercussions.  This is the message that must be heard loud and clear.  No matter how "cool"  you may think you are, you need to think twice before using this type of language.  Imus's "joke" was not funny, was directed too narrowly at a particular group of young women and was way across any line of good taste.  Mr. Imus should have known better and the only way others will know better is if he is made an example of.  Black people have an issue we need to deal with in terms of rap music and the use of derogatory language.  But, that does not mean we have to tolerate it coming from outside of our community.  Double standard?  Perhaps.  But, as a group targeted by institutionalized racism for a few hundred years, we do have some issues to work out.  Those issues will not be helped by allowing this type of language to be used in mainstream society. 

A white neighbor said her son (in Middle School) asked what all the fuss was about.  He said he hears language like that all the time at school and didn't see the problem. You see, that is the problem.  I don't know who he's hearing the language from (we live in an area with almost NO black people).  My guess is he's hearing from other white kids.  But, someone has to teach him that the language he is hearing is not acceptable to most people and if he repeats it in the wrong crowd he might be fired, assaulted or even killed.  The Imus incident was an opportunity for her to teach her son about the origins of this type of language and just how insulting and hurtful it is.  Seeing Imus fired will cause her son to think twice about using this language in public.  This same woman's son called himself "pimping" last year because he had several girlfriends.  He had no clue what a pimp really is.  Fortunately, she took the time to teach him why she did not want to hear that type of language coming from him again. 

I want to make it very clear that I don't have anything personal against Don Imus.  I'd welcome him into my home.  I doubt he is a racist.  I think he's just a shock-jock playing a character.  I wish him no harm.  But, I hope this issue stays alive long enough for us to have some dialog about it and educate  people on what is and is not acceptable behavior. I find it fascinating how white America emulates black culture.  Our music, our way of dress (the pants sagging down) and even our language is taken and made mainstream.  I hear white guys calling each other "my brother" and just chuckle to myself. In a way, I guess that is flattering.  But, if you have a question about whether you can use a word or a phrase you hear a black person using, as we say, "If you don't know, you better ask somebody." 

If you know me at all, you know I'm not normally one to call for punishment.  I also think I have a pretty good sense of humor.  I love all kinds of humor.  Things that many others find offensive, I can find the humor in.  But, in the case of Don Imus, I'm going to make an exception to both my rules.  I'm more than happy to tell you why, just in case you don't understand why I think this man should lose his job over his "nappy headed hos" remark.

First I have to admit, I am not a Don Imus fan.  I have never caught his show.  I've heard precious little about him up until a couple of days ago.  But, I do know this.  The man has a mainstream "news" (or entertainment or comedy program) on CBS radio and MSNBC.  It's debatable as to what type of show it is.  The line between comedy, news and entertainment has become so fuzzy, it's hard to tell.  But, since the show is put on by CBS and MSNBC as a quasi-news program, I think these companies are responsible for his speech.  I understand he's one of those irascible shock jocks that America seems to love. They seem to me to be a guilt-free way to allow hatred to spew forth under the guise of humor or free speech.  I'm cool with that, if that's your cup of tea.  But, Mr. Imus crossed a line (jumped way across it) with his remarks about the young women who play for Rutgers' University basketball team and for that, he should pay with his job.

Nappy headed hos is just about the worst thing a white man can call a group of young black women.  It insults their hair (one thing that Black women are particularly sensitive about).  And, it insults their sexuality.  It's racist and sexist all rolled into one.  It's possible that Don Imus is so insensitive and clueless that he didn't know the impact of the speech he used. But, this is as good a time as any for him (and others to learn).  They will only learn if serious consequences are paid by Don Imus.  And I think nothing short of NBC and CBS parting ways with him will show just how seriously those corporations take the feelings of the people who watch and listen to their shows.

This is not a free speech issue.  If someone wants to put Imus' tripe on alternative stations, goody for them.  He's free to say what he wants and we're free to react to what he says.  This is my reaction.  If NBC and CBS allow this, without some very serious consequences, they are complicit in it as far as I'm concerned. I'm hopeful that people will keep pressure on them and bring this situation to the right conclusion.

I'm not naive.  I realize that Imus will land somewhere else very soon.  I'm guessing probably with a better contract and more freedom to continue with his hate speech.  Frankly, if I thought the man was going to starve on the streets I wouldn't be calling for his firing.   I don't think his remarks rise to that level of punishment.  I don't think he will personally lose any money over this, even if he is fired.  I'm doubtful he's nearly as contrite as his apologies portray him as being or that he's really understood what he's done wrong.  But, a two week vacation suspension is barely a slap on the wrist.  I'd almost rather see them do nothing than to insult the women of Rutgers by pretending a two week suspension means anything.  The pattern is clear now.  Say whatever outrageous thing you want and the next day issue a "heartfelt" apology outlining how much you've learned from the incident and how you're not "really" a racist/sexist.  I'm sick of it.  As a black man, this is language I wouldn't use in a room with my closest friends over a beer.  I've never called a woman, any woman a "ho".  I can only imagine how I'd feel if my daughter were on that Rutgers basketball team.  Looking at Imus and hearing those words come from his mouth, over public airwaves and funded by corporate sponsors brings up some very unpleasant memories of a time most of us do not want to be reminded of.

I've heard two excuses for Imus' behavior and why he should not be fired.  I'd like to address both of those here and now.  The first thing is that black rappers use this type of language all the time with no repercussions and that the black community itself calls black people "niggers and hos".  So, they say, everybody should be held to the same standard.  As far as I'm concerned, a racist remark by a radio host on a mainstream program and the lyrics of a rap song or something said by a comedian somewhere are two very different issues.  As soon as Snoop Dog gets a radio show and makes a remark like that, I'll call for him to be fired, too.  We need to deal with the verbal violence committed by blacks on blacks every day.  But, that does not excuse Imus or give him permission to use this type of insulting, racist, degrading language.  White people have to understand that the problems within our community do not give them permission to pile on.  If you don't understand the language you're using and the implications of it, don't use it.  Ignorance is not an excuse for someone in Imus' position.  Others being equally guilty is no excuse either.


The second reason I've heard why Imus should be allowed to slide by is the people who are going after him (Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton) are no better than he is.  I'm not going to get into how I feel about Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton other than to say I never voted for either of them to represent me.  And, that I hate to take the same side with them on just about any issue.  But, that is a completely separate issue.  I don't care about who is calling for Imus' resignation or firing and he should not be able to slip by on this issue simply because the credibility of some of his accusers might be suspect.

Racism and sexism are still big problems in America even while institutionalized racism has largely been eliminated.  NBC and CBS putting up with this type of speech is not acceptable.  Every once in a while we get the opportunity for an educational moment.  This is one of those opportunities.  For a white man to call a group of young black women hos (and nappy headed hos at that) from a public platform needs to have serious consequences.  We need to send a clear signal that we will marginalize this type of speech and that it is not acceptable in the public forum.  I don't see anything short than a "Here's  your hat, there's the door, Mr. Imus." as a clear enough message.

In case you missed it, here's a link to the actual comment made by Don Imus: