Summer Doldrums

Image by BrianWestChest via Flickr

If you've been following my blog, you may realize it's about time for another installment of "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"  This is the on-going struggle I have with the institutionalized church (as some of my non-churched buddies call it now).  As I continue along my spiritual path, I find myself further and further from the Christianity of my youth and trying to find out how "church" fits into where I am now gets increasingly difficult.

What I've realized is that I don't give a rip about the "institutional church".  As denominations go, the United Church of Christ is one of the best.  As churches go, Nexus is really good.  But, for me, it's not about the church, it's about the people.  Nexus is an oasis in a desert, as far as I'm concerned.  We give people who have given up on being able to relate to G-d in a collective setting a chance at finding that again. I'd like to think we serve a pretty special role in our community.

A few years ago when I was fortunate enough (or blessed enough) to find Nexus, I thought "Ah, this is it.".  And, Nexus has been and is good.  Very good.  The best thing about Nexus is I have met some really wonderful and interesting people.  I've met people I would otherwise never have known existed (especially in Southwest OH).  I've met gays and lesbians.  I've met Obama supporters.  I've met people who are passionate about social justice. I've met people who are in favor of health care reform. And, they're all Christians (imagine that).  We have a pastor who is doing a terrific job.   He's passionate about the people in the church and about his role.  He's a good speaker.  He doesn't try to dictate what we should believe.  We all get together outside of church for things like canoe trips and roller derby and pool parties.

So, what's the problem? Sounds terrific.  Well, the major problem is sustainability.  I never imagined how difficult it could/would be to start a church from the ground up; particularly a progressive church in a regressive community.  Nexus will be celebrating its third anniversary in less than four months.  I started attending just after the church started.  We are on our second pastor,;the founding pastor having moved on for greener pastures.  When the founding pastor left us just over a year ago, it looked like it might be the end.  Attendance dipped (and we didn't have enough people in the first place).  With our new pastor, we seemed to have renewed life. But, as I look around, we don't have substantially more people now than we had when first started up.  But, big deal.  I don't need a lot of people, just a few good ones.  The problem is the ugly truth that running a church takes money.  We need to have a certain amount of income to pay things like rent, the pastor's salary and for the music.  Nexus operates on a shoestring budget.  But, even with the grants we've gotten over the years we are on the verge of running out of money.  Unless we get more people, the people coming start giving more (significantly more) or some angel makes a large donation, we are not financially sustainable.  And, after three years of pushing for that, you kind of start to wonder when/if it's going to happen.  We've done everything I can think of to do to get more people in. We spent thousands of dollars on a campaign over Easter.  Attendance jumped up, some. Then summer set in and with vacations, while we're ahead of last year's numbers, we aren't where we need to be.  Summer is a rough time to try to get people to sit in a room for an hour on Sunday morning.

As I look at the people attending, I see a core group of people who are very passionate about our "mission".  We are pioneers out here.  There's a sense of adventure.  Like the Blues Brothers, we are on a "mission from God".  But, I also see everyday life taking its toll.  People leave because they got their feelings hurt.  People leave because of divorce (never understood why they have to leave church when they get divorced).  People leave just because they're tired of or bored with church.  We attract a lot of the spiritually abused. We attract people who have been kicked out of other churches or who have just gotten tired of the whole thing.  The problem with that is they seem to be super-sensitive people, too.  So, as quickly as we pick people up, we lose others.  It feels a little like running in place.  Trying to get liberals/progressives to stick with us feels a little like herding cats.

I've been racking my brain to come up with an answer.  In an ideal world, I'd find a Buddhist temple and join the sangha (community) there.  I think my spirituality/religion is more in line with Buddhism these days than with Christianity.   Sometimes I just get fed up with Christianity.  And, I'm there right now.  I'm sick of all the ridiculous things said and done in the name of religion.  I'm engaged in a conversation right now with people who insist that homosexuality is a sin because the Bible told them so.  And, since sin is sin, being a homosexual is the same as being a murderer.  So, anyone who doesn't throw homosexuals out of the church is in essence coddling murderers.  This stuff makes my head spin.  Then, we have Christians saying Obama is the anti-Christ and using the Bible and some extremely bizarre exegesis to back it up.  I'm sick of arguing with these people.  I know other religions have their nuts, too. But, I'm sick of ours.

Sunday morning in church has never done it for me.  I find the best of them to be boring and most of them to be irrelevant.  I don't know how others feel or how the people who have left feel.  But, while Nexus is pretty cutting edge in some ways, when it comes to the Sunday morning format (and it is a format), it's just not different enough.   I don't know if we really shook that up if it would drive more people away or attract more people. I'm sure it'd do a little of both.
 

The next few months will be a critical time for us.  Our treasurer has been sounding the alarm since I can remember. We've pushed and pushed and each time it looked like we would run out of steam, something happened to pull us through.  Maybe that will continue. I hope so. I think Nexus is a pretty special place.  I'd like to see it there for weary travelers.