Friday, November 20, 2009

Tolerance?

A sheared tree's fuller, more conical shape.Image via Wikipedia
What is tolerance?

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1 , 2009

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd , starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty

*************

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2 , 2009

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

****************

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3 , 2009

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a
non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request,
but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union
members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

*****************

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 th begins the Muslim
holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time
of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill
House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else
package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men,
each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no
cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion
in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food .
The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant
cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty


*******************

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5 , 2009

RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the
"grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar,
including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream
right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!

******************
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6 , 2009

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23 rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!


Joan
Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

6 comments:

Mike aka MonolithTMA said...

Both funny and sad.

Kansas Bob said...

Ditto Mike for me. I think it is funny because many of us can relate to the bureaucracy.. it is sad for the same reason.

Joe said...

I think this is more of a joke than reality but perhaps there are businessis that have reacted in this way.

I worked for PepsiCo for 30 years. The bottling operations headquarters was a 9 story building built in the mid-80's. During the Christmas season, every floor was decorated. Egg nog and cookies were available all week in the lobby on each floor. One of the days of Christmas week there was an all day Christmas party for all employees and their families. There were 4 Santas in separate rooms to make sure that all the kids got to talk to one of Santa's helpers. There were roaming carolers and entertainers on every floor. One year they brought in a snow making machine and covered one of the sloping driveways with snow so that the kids to sled.

They slowly tapered off until there aren't Christmas parties anymore. This wasn't done for "political correctness", that was never an issue, they cut out the parties because of the cost.

Many departments, including mine, held a business meeting offsite during the month of December. It wasn't called a Christmas party because we were not allowed to spend money on Christmas parties but it sure looked, smelled and tasted like a Christmas party when I got there.

My children loved the company party and we often brought a few of their friends. The big company party only stopped about the time that my children were old enough to be interested in going elsewhere but we still occasionally talk about how great the "old days" were.

brian said...

Sure, Joe. It's a joke. But, it's based in a very real atmosphere. In the name of being politically correct and even "tolerant", people are forced into awkward situations to accommodate every possible configuration of "minority" out there. It seems someone is offended by just about everything. IMO, true tolerance would be for people to just stop getting so offended by every little thing.

coachscully said...

I also find this truly sad. It used to be when people came to this country, or had a different belief system than others it was understood that while you could certainly retain your culture or belief system you had to in some way attempt to blend yourself into society as a whole. I remember the stories from my grandmother on how this was the case. These days it seems that every group out there expects society as a whole to conform to their beliefs, and if they do not then there can be no belief at all. We used to be known as the great melting pot, now I think people see us as a place where if you don't believe as I do I will just sue you to make you conform. Ridiculous.

brian said...

Kevin,

I agree. I think this "joke" makes the point pretty well. Tolerance goes two ways.

There is no reason anyone should find the word "Christmas" or a Christmas tree "offensive". In fact, IMO, Christmas is a dual holiday, both secular and religious. I saw something the other day where a church was calling their celebration a "holiday" celebration instead of a Christmas celebration. Talk about going too far!