Yep- I'm pretty sure I exist

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Philosophy is all well and good.  But, thinking too much can really screw you up. Take it from one who's had about 45 years of experience with the problems involved in thinking about things too much and too deeply.  You start to question things like the ultimate nature of reality and whether or not you really exist.

I've been into Buddhism for several years now.  Buddhism is more of a philosophy than a religion.  I haven't taken the vows or joined a sangha.  So, I don't call myself a Buddhist.  But, I would say I am a quasi-Buddhist. I can accept most of the teachings of Buddhism. But one I struggle with is the idea of non-self.  Like Christianity, there are many different schools of Buddhism.  But, generally Buddhists accept the idea of non-self and also the idea of reincarnation.  Non-self is a useful concept to a certain extent.  As I understand it, it basically it says we are not the solid, permanent thing we think we are. Everything in existence rises from something else and therefore is a dependent condition making everything and everyone "interdependent".  I am not my body (easy for a Christian to accept).  I am not my mind.  My mind changes.  I am not my brain.  I am not even my thoughts.  Meditation really reveals this as we learn to observe our thoughts and observe our minds.  If we're sitting outside of our thoughts observing them and learning to control them, we cannot be them.  This is really useful when it comes to accepting the fact that we grow old, we get sick and we die.  It's really useful when it comes to learning to discipline our minds and our emotions.  I am eternally grateful for having found Buddhist philosophy.  But,  I think after pretty much deconstructing everything the Buddha came to the conclusion that there is no real solid, permanent core to call "me" and this is what Buddhists call non-self and that just doesn't work for me.

On the other hand, Buddhists for the most part believe in reincarnation. From the Christian perspective this would be my "soul" or spirit making many trips to Earth in different bodies.  Since Buddhists don't believe in souls or a permanent self, I have a lot of trouble reconciling these two teachings.  I asked a teacher I greatly respect to help me out with this and this was his reply:

It is unclear, in Buddhism, as well as different buddhist cultures, exactly what reincarnates. Technically, from the Mind-Only School (one of the main Buddhist philosophical systems), the only thing that carries forward is the mind stream, which is like a river composed of habitual tendencies (bijas or "seeds"). This is more a continuity of habit than a self (emphasis mine), a potentiality for perception.

However, in the Tibetan system, for example, the mind changes with and interacts with so much that there isn't much sense of "direct" effect of one lifetime to the next. I take the sum total of teachings on reincarnation to mean that actions and habit all will have some effect on the future - it doesn't just end with death, which is a more materialistic view of cause and effect.

No disrepect intended to this teacher. He's helped me a great deal over the years. But, huh?  My habits and/or actions having some cosmic ripple effect in the future isn't what I would think of as reincarnation.   Maybe that is what Buddhism teaches.  But I don't understand how they can teach people can become enlightened over the course of lifetimes if all that remains is habitual energy.  Still more confusion for me.

This morning I woke up this morning contemplating this again and thought about the fact that the universe is made up mostly of empty space. What we perceive as a solid object is not really solid.  In fact at one time all of the material in the universe fit into a lump the size of a pea.  Talk about mind-blowing.  Yet, the universe is real.   I know it's real and I don't doubt it.  Coincidentally (or serendipitously) a Facebook friend had posted this:

  

"For nearly a hundred years, we have known that the material world is an illusion. Everything that seems solid - a rock, a tree, your body - is actually 99.999% empty space." - Deepak Chopra

One thing that I've learned is that I don't have to accept every tenet of a philosophical system to accept some of it.  Christians try to tell me I have to accept everything the church teaches or everything the Bible teaches or reject all of it.  Nonsense!  I try not to just reject the parts I don't like . That is why I have wrestled with the concept of non-self for as long as I have.  But, the conclusion I've come to, for now, for me is that it just doesn't work.  I am a spirit, a soul, a whatever you want to call it.  There is something "real", something permanent, something non-changing about me.  I can't put my finger on it.  I can't see it. But, I can sense it. 

Jesus Interrupted-Looks like an interesting book

I think it's important to understand your faith.  As a Christian, since the Bible is so central to our faith, I think it's important to understand where it came from.   No, it did not just fall from the sky written on stone tablets.

Jesus Interrupted by Bart Ehrman looks really interesting to me.  It's an examination of where the texts that became the New Testament came from.  It'll be out in paperback in February.  I'm going to pick it up then.

Turning The Mind Into an Ally- Book Review

I have been meditating for about three or four years.  I got started with contemplative prayer.  Then, once I started studying Buddhism have been practicing based on Buddhist meditation techniques.  I've found meditation to be relaxing, frustrating, hard to stick with and extremely beneficial. I want to meditate but there's always something more urgent to do.  I want to meditate but it's so boring just sitting there by myself.  I want to meditate but I just can't slow my thoughts down long enough to feel the time has been well spent. I've read books about meditation and contemplative prayer and listened to many PodCasts.  But, of all the materials I have studied, the best so far is Turning the Mind Into An Ally by Sakyong Mipham.

It's likely you don't think of your mind as an enemy.  But, for many of  us an untamed, out of control mind is just that.  I've known for years that my thoughts race. I knew I wanted to get control of the flashes of anger that could just pop out or the rush of fear that could be triggered by a single thought.  One thought leads to another which leads to another and you "wake up" minutes later to find you've said or done something you regret.  Meditation helps us study the often unconscious habitual patterns our minds fall into, so that we can see those things happening as they happen and, ultimately, before they happen.  Buddhist practice isn't so much a religion as it is a disciplining of the mind and an attempt to face ultimate reality.  When I first started reading the book, it seemed too basic for me, like Meditation 101.  It's written in non-technical language and is full of real-life illustrations that make the material easy to read and grasp.  One metaphor the author uses throughtout the book is comparing the mind to a wild horse that we need to tame and that once tamed is a powerful vehicle to take us where we want/need to go.  I also appreciated that he did not talk about the ego and how it's something we have to kill.  The untamed mind is not something to be killed but something to be tamed.  The goal of meditation is to transform the wild horse into the windhorse which we can ride to boundless joy and freedom.

I've been meditating and following the breath for a few years now.  My meditation practice has been spotty (at best).  This book motivated me to get back on to the cushion.  Thanks to this book, for the first time I think I really understand the purpose of following the breath which is not just following the breath for the sake of counting it or even experiencing it but for the sake of training your mind to focus on what you want to focus on and set aside distractions. This will inevitably fail and you will find yourself drifting and have to re-focus your attention.  This act, repeated time and time again is like yoga for your mind, making it stronger and allowing you to see how it works.   After the mind has been trained in this technique, we can begin to truly contemplate ultimate reality. The joys of being born human, the fact that our actions have consequences, the natural progression of growing older, becoming sick and dying, having compassion for all sentient beings.   And, when we are off of the cushion, we actually have some chance of being able to get control of those patterns we so easily fall into when our mind is running out of control.

I think this is an excellent book for beginning meditators  to those who may have begun meditation a while ago, don't fully understand it or just need a reminder of why it's so important and how it can help. You don't have to be Buddhist or even spiritual to get something out of this book and out of meditation.  It's a book I'm glad to have in my library and one that I'm sure I'll be reading again just to remind myself of how and why to continue to practice.

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Compassion-sometimes easy, sometimes hard

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By now, every one has heard about the unimaginable tragedy in Haiti. A country mired in misery and just barely getting by has been devastated by an "act of God" that just heaps more suffering on top of them. Americans, like we usually do, are responding with a great deal of compassion and aid, as we should. My heart is always filled with joy and sadness at times like these. Sadness that Haiti is in the position it was in to begin with. Sadness at the earthquake that has devastated so many lives. But, joy at the amount of compassion human beings can have for each other. People who really feel they can't afford it are texting $5 and $10 donations and collecting supplies for the Haitian people. America is a wonderful country.

What you have also probably heard by now are Pat Robertson's disgusting remarks about how the Haitian people made a pact with the devil decades ago and thus, have essentially brought this on themselves. I don't need to rehash for you how many times Pat has made such a stupid proclamation. The man has been thoroughly dragged through the mainstream press over it, although it seems he still has a number of followers who agree with him (how sad is that?). Many of my on-line friends have found it necessary to separate themselves, as Christians, from Pat's twisted theology. And, I can understand that. It's sad that we have to stand up and say this is not what Christianity teaches. It should be obvious. But, it's not obvious. So, we must renounce Reverend Robertson's remarks and I do. Unequivocally.

However, in throwing Mr. Robertson's theology under the bus, many are rolling over Pat, also calling him vile and evil. Keith Olbermann, in one of his rants, questions the values of the souls of Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh and equates Pat Robertson with the devil. In addition to renouncing the stupidity of Rush Limbaugh and Pat Robertson, I also renounce the personal attacks on Pat Robertson. The man is misguided. I think he's mentally unstable. I wonder if he's suffering from some form of dementia (besides the dementia of serving such a monstrous god for all those decades). But, as someone who aspires to practice Boddhichitta, I become the very thing I hate when I do not have compassion for someone with as warped a worldview of Pat Robertson. It's easy to feel compassion when I look at images of suffering Haitians. It's not so easy to feel compassion when I look at Pat's image above. Even, Pat Robertson's own organizations are giving aid to the Haitians (demonstrating how illogical his theology is. If God is punishing the Haitians for making a pact with the devil, should Pat be giving aid and comfort to God's enemies?) It's not easy; but feeling compassion for Mr. Robertson and even for Rush Limbaugh is something I must do. I prayed for the Haitians, of course. But, I also pray for Pat Robertson that his eyes will be opened and he'll come to understand the unlimited love and compassion of the G-d that I serve.

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Be Careful What You Wish For

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As recently as just last season, I wished that the Bengals would be a mediocre football team. I didn't wish for them to be great or even good, just good enough to make the games interesting. Just good enough to fill the stadium and avoid the blackouts we used to have when I first moved to Cincinnati.  As a Bengals fan for approaching four decades now, I didn't want to overreach. I just wanted a team that I wouldn't have to hang my head in shame over.

I got what I wished for.  The Bengals are now a mediocre football team. This year they fooled some people into thinking they were good and a few people into thinking they were great. Some in Cincinnati talked of a Super Bowl (ha!).  Most of us just wished for a single playoff victory since we own the record of the longest streak without a playoff victory in the NFL in addition to officially being the worst team in the 1990s.

The Bengals are essentially a .500 football team now.  We won a few games earlier this season that we probably shouldn't have won.  This year's team was the mirror image of the team we had in 2005 when we last got into the playoffs and were eliminated in the first round.  This year's Bengals had a really, really good defense and a totally ineffective offense. The offense played just well enough to keep us in games.  The defense in 2005 wasn't that great.  But, we got enough turnovers to win a few games. This year we beat Pittsburgh twice and the Ravens twice. So, people thought we were good.  But, that was early in the year before anyone knew they were not their former selves.  The Bengals finished the season losing four of their last five games. Worse yet, they said the Minnesota game was like a playoff game; a rehearsal in a harsh environment against a very good team.  We lost.  We said the San Diego game would be a test.  We didn't pass.  We only had to win one of our last four games to make the playoffs and we did just that.  We won one, beating the lowly Chiefs before we got shellacked by the Jets; after acknowledging we were going to play to win a game on national TV.  Some passed that loss off.  But, we saw again yesterday that the Jets are a better team than the Bengals.

The Bengals record earlier this year peaked at well above 0.500 but, with the skid at the end, we finished the season just two games above 0.500.  Against good teams, and when it counts, we could not get it done.  Carson Palmer is not as good as he once was.  The knee injury a few years ago, the elbow injury from last year, loss of confidence in his receivers... who knows what the problem is.  But, he's not playing the way he once did. The receiving corps is just miserable. If Chad doesn't get it done, no one does. Laveranues Coles is not even a shadow of his former self. Cedric Benson is playing his heart out and is the one bright spot I can find on offense.  Mike Zimmer has done an amazing job with the defense. But, if an NFL team can't put up 20 points a game no matter how great their defense is, they are not going to win on a consistent basis.  Shayne Graham can make kicks all day long as long as they don't mean anything.  But, yesterday, he missed two (again).

Some tell me to take heart.  We have the nucleus of a good team. That's what we thought back in '05, too.  I think the reality is we have the nucleus of a mediocre team.  If all goes well, the misery of the 90's and seasons of losses outnumbering wins by two, three or four times are behind us.  But, I expect the Bengals to be a 8-8 kind of team with occasional flashes of getting to 10-6 and sneaking into the playoffs.  But, when you get into the playoffs, you play against better competition.  The Bengals are good enough to get into the playoffs.  But, they are still not good enough to make a run.   As long as Mike Brown is in charge and as long as Bob Bratkowski is our offensive coordinator, don't expect that to change.

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Damn Those Fighting Irish

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I am not jumping on the UC bandwagon.  I've lived in Cincinnati for 12 years now and have pretty much ignored the Cincinnati Bearcats football program. I thought all year long they were ranked way too high.  I don't like one dimensional teams, particularly teams that are so lopsided in favor of their offense.  Defense is consistent.  Defense wins championships. I thought UC was a fatally flawed football team.  I suspected as soon as UC faced a stiff defense they'd be in major trouble.  When they were selected to play Florida in the Sugar Bowl, I was looking forward to see what would happen.  Would I be right and they'd be exposed or would they surprise me?  Thanks to the Fighting Irish, we'll never know.

I don't understand the NCAA rules that allow the coach of a team to abandon his team right before a major bowl game.  There should be a rule that says a floundering team can't steal a successful team's coach at least until after all the bowl games have been played.  I feel sorry for the players at UC who had a magical season of a lifetime ruined; and will always have to live with the "What if..." question.  What if their offensive genius Brian Kelly had stuck around for one more game?  Could they at least have competed with Florida?  We'll never know.

Never been a fan of the Fighting Irish either.  Now I have just one more reason to cheer against them.

Eternal Life: A New Vision- Book Review

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I've read a few books by John Shelby Spong now. Spong is among the handful of Christian (maybe post-Christian) writers who has had a pretty big impact on how I view Christianity and the church. And, I've always been obsessed with the afterlife. So, when I heard he had written his "final" book on this particular subject, I had to pick it up. Eternal Life: A New Vision is the title.

Spong takes on the subject using an interesting technique. The book is mostly a spiritual autobiography.  But, he overlays his individual spiritual development on top of the journey man has taken over time going from primitive religion to a more complex "modern" religion to what Spong claims will be a post-religious world.  There are times in this book (and others by Spong) where he comes across as angry with the church and he tends to overstate his case against the anthropomorphic and hands-on god we were taught in Sunday school.  If you can get by this, I think he has a lot of very important things to say.  What I found particularly interesting in this book is that while the events of our lives are completely different, Spong and I  have been on a very similar spiritual path from the simplistic faith of our childhood to feeling it is all slipping away to a what we feel is a more real and realistic faith.  As Spong attacks the idols we've made of scripture, the church and even Christianity I think many will feel disoriented and even angry.  Spong doesn't duck the hard questions, the criticisms of religion in general and Christianity in particular.  There were times when I felt I just wanted to put the book down because it seemed like an demolition of Christianity.  But, I resisted that an pressed through to the end and I'm glad I did.

It's always cool when I find someone else shares an experience I did, because I was one weird little kid.  I remember the prayer "Now I lay me down to sleep.  I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.".  Now I'm sure that millions (billions?) of kids around the world have said that prayer trillions of time. Most of them crawl into bed and think nothing of it.  But, not me and not Spong. As he puts it "That prayer made it quite clear that death was an option for me.  It also associated death with going to sleep, with darkness and with the night, while identifying waking with the dawn, the daylight and even the resurrection."  As a child, I suffered with insomnia, scared to sleep because to sleep meant I might die and to die meant I might go to hell.  I hadn't put that all together consciously until I was an adult.  BTW, we taught another version to Kayla and Shayna.  "Now I lay me down to sleep.  I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  Guide me safely through the night and wake me with the morning light."

The bulk of the book is about Spong's dealings with death of loved ones and acquaintances and about his spiritual journey.  He gets into redefining what God means to him now, in a way very similar to Karen Armstrong's "The Case for God" which I reviewed recently.  She talks about it from a global and historical perspective.  Spong comes at it from both a personal and a historical perspective.  He talks about how his view of Jesus has evolved also from being God incarnate to a man who fully fulfilled his potential.  A lot of this is probably a rehashing of concepts he has expressed elsewhere. I did love his definition of faith as "faith has become therefore not the task of believing the unbelievable, but he task of living, loving and being.  The mission of faith is no longer to convert:  it is to transform the world to that every life will have a  better chance to live fully and thus to commune with the source of life; to love wastefully and thus to commune with the source of love, and to find the 'courage to be' and thus to commune with the Ground of Being."

Finally, Spong does work his away around to discussing life after death (after he has redefined life) and spoken about how we are all part of one greater consciousness.  He does answer the question "Do you believe in life after death?" in the affirmative.  He does believe that we will have a personal life after our bodies have ceased to function.  He does not know if we will know or see our loved ones again.  An honest answer.  But, he does point out that none of us is an independent creature. What we are is what we are in relation to each other.  So, we cannot be, apart from being in relationship.

Overall, I found the book most definitely worthwhile.  I am learning to live with uncertainty.  I appreciate the fact that Spong does not overreach and answer questions that he simply doesn't know the answer to.  But, some may find the book unsatisfying in that regard. There's no denying that, at the very least, there is a veil beyond which we cannot see.  As Carly Simon put it in her song "Life is Eternal" (that I'm listening to right now), death is (only) a horizon.  The horizon is the limit of our sight.  We can make some educated guesses.  But, we will only truly know once we get there. 

(Carly Simon/Teesa Gohl)

I've been doing a lot of thinking
About growing older and moving on
Nobody wants to be told that they're getting on
And maybe going away
For a long, long stay
But just how long and who knows
And how and where my spirit will go
Will it soar like Jazz on a saxophone
Or evaporate on a breeze
Won't you tell me please
That life is eternal
And love is immortal
And death is only a horizon
Life is eternal
As we move into the light
And a horizon is nothing
Save the limit of our sight
Save the limit of our sight

Here on earth I'm a lost soul
Ever trying to find my way back home
Maybe that's why each new star is born
Expanding heaven's room
Eternity in bloom
And will I see you up in that heaven
In all it's light will I know you're there
Will we say the things that we never dared
If wishing makes it so
Won't you let me know
That life is eternal
And love is immortal
And death is only a horizon
Life is eternal
As we move into the light
And a horizon is nothing
Save the limit of our sight
Save the limit of our sight

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